Comments on: when to tell http://www.finncomics.com/2010/07/19/when-to-tell/ a comic strip about relationships Tue, 17 Jan 2012 14:43:20 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: tw http://www.finncomics.com/2010/07/19/when-to-tell/comment-page-1/#comment-1781 tw Tue, 20 Jul 2010 02:32:23 +0000 http://www.finncomics.com/?p=674#comment-1781 Re: timing -- I've always lived by the rule that, until someone says, "This is exclusive," it isn't (and, for the record, in my current relationship, we are *extremely* exclusive -- as in, "engaged to be married"). You don't force it at a particular time (e.g., "two dates or one month"); you let it happen organically. Dating is hard work; having a really successful long-term relationship is even harder. Don't jump into the commitment too soon; IMHO, forcing commitment means that you end up trying to satisfice instead of making sure you're actually satisfied. The flip side of this is that you have to make sure you're not *acting* too attached, and not *acting* in such a way that the other person gets hurt (e.g., be *really* careful about spending the night together, or getting too into the "sweetie"-type words; among other things, I have *never* used the "love" word with any woman I wasn't willing to commit exclusively to, body and soul). Without the exclusivity conversation, everything's fair game. Just make sure you protect both yourself and the other person from your aforementioned baggage. Re: timing — I’ve always lived by the rule that, until someone says, “This is exclusive,” it isn’t (and, for the record, in my current relationship, we are *extremely* exclusive — as in, “engaged to be married”). You don’t force it at a particular time (e.g., “two dates or one month”); you let it happen organically.

Dating is hard work; having a really successful long-term relationship is even harder. Don’t jump into the commitment too soon; IMHO, forcing commitment means that you end up trying to satisfice instead of making sure you’re actually satisfied. The flip side of this is that you have to make sure you’re not *acting* too attached, and not *acting* in such a way that the other person gets hurt (e.g., be *really* careful about spending the night together, or getting too into the “sweetie”-type words; among other things, I have *never* used the “love” word with any woman I wasn’t willing to commit exclusively to, body and soul).

Without the exclusivity conversation, everything’s fair game. Just make sure you protect both yourself and the other person from your aforementioned baggage.

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